It's been a LONG time since I've posted. I believe I was doing bodyrock back when I posted my last entry. I had almost finished the burpee challenge (which I totally won btw, almost everyone bailed out on the day 90)
Several things happened after that last entry.
Basically, we're gonna do this the easy way, quickest way I can, with a bulleted breakdown of things:
- I got pregnant
- We had to move
- Fires in Colorado caused us to have to evacuate for a week
- We lost the baby and this caused a lot of distress followed by a challenging time for my husband and I
- Husband lost his job
- I got a job
- I had a major gallbladder attack and had my gallbladder removed after a month wait for surgery
- I lost my job because of complication from my surgery
- Got depressed again
- Husband found a new job
- Relationship struggles, as everyone has, but it's been a rough year or two
- Things finally getting better on all accounts
- Staying home to take care of the kids for now to deal with other health issues
There, see? Not so bad, that's it in a nutshell.
So what does any of this have to do with fitness and my progress?
A lot actually, a hell of a lot. Mostly it involved me doing extremely well in fitness, and then crash and burning like never before.
I Got Pregnant:
Man was this a surprise, like really. We didn't expect this at all. I have PCOS so it's very difficult to get pregnant in the first place. When my husband, Robert, and I first got together we were told a year into our relationship that we were going to run out of time to have kids if we wanted them. So we made the decision to have kids early, as we may not have another chance as we got older. We have two beautiful children, but every pregnancy was difficult, high risk, and dangerous to me and the baby. So when I found out I was pregnant, it was a huge shock. But we were excited nonetheless.
We Moved:
Hated the place we were in. It was too far from town, the place was cruddy, school was crud, just really crappy in general. I enjoyed having a three bedroom house, but there were so many issues with it we moved back into town. We downsized to a 2 bedroom townhome, but we were closer to family, in town, paid less in bills and rent, and the school was really good. I didn't have to lift a finger since I was pregnant and had recently thrown out my back, so that was a major damper. Try throwing out your back and not being able to move for three days or take any kind of painkillers or anything...good times for sure..
Moving back into town was great. We got a gym membership and went everyday. It was almost religious. The kids loved going, I would run and do swimming and yoga. Swimming was the best since I was pregnant. I had a great time. I was determined to be more fit and healthy for this pregnancy.
Evacuation and Loss of our son:
The fires in colorado were so bad, they got so close to our area that we had to evacuate. It was bad enough that we had to leave, but when we evacuated Robert took his truck and I took the van with the kids and animals in tow. The van broke down because of the constant stop and go. So here I am, pregnant, with animals and kids in tow, hot, smoke everywhere from the fire, it was hell. And Robert took 4 hours to get to us because of the evacuations. It was a horrid experience.
A couple days after that, I felt something was different, hadn't felt the baby move in a while, but kind of blew it off. Never underestimate the feeling in your gut, something I've learned the very hard way. By the time we got to the doctor it was too late. I didn't have a miscarriage. It was a rare thing like SIDS but in the womb, so he was fine, and then suddenly, he just died. They couldn't get me into the hospital for induction right away so I had to wait days before getting induced.
Saying that it was terrible is an understatement. I was just going through the motions of everyday until we could get to the hospital. Eventually I told them I was going to the ER so they allowed us to come in early. I felt like a coffin, there's no other way to explain it. The whole process of delivering a deceased child was unbearable, physically and emotionally. I tried to remain seriously drugged out through the whole process. After three days in the hospital, a week later I was back for another week because of a raging infection so there's that. Many complications ensued, many procedures, and this wreaked havoc on my body for quite a while.
I'm still recovering from that ordeal as it is, physically and emotionally. We just hit the year anniversary of our son, Everett's death, so it's rough, but not as bad anymore. I personally have never dealt with human grief before, and I was severely depressed for many months.
Jobs come and go, and come, and then go again..
Through all that, a couple months after Everett died, Robert lost his job. I decided it'd be a good time for me to try and find work. I lucked out to find a job as a Veterinary Assistant. Which was awesome for me because that is my chosen field of work and it's so difficult to find a job since the turnover is very low.
This was a major turning point for us, and me especially. I was able to emotionally and physically change things around. I felt better, I was finally doing something I love, things between Robert and I were going really well, and I was able to work a strenuous job, which I love. I can't stand sedentary jobs. I hate sitting around doing nothing.
Saying that I loved my job was an understatement, I cherished it, completely. I loved my clients, the animals, my coworkers, my bosses. I loved the people I worked with; I really wholeheartedly enjoyed my work.
I was happy, so awesomely happy. I lost weight, I toned up. I got UNDER THE 200 LB MARK! It was a huuuuuuge thing. I made a point of working my butt off, literally, and if I didn't hurt at the end of the day, in a good way, then I didn't work hard enough. Doing restraint and cleaning had me doing squats all day long so my butt, my legs, everything was toning, getting stronger. Everyday work was a little easier. My arms toned fast, I finally am having toned arms. I felt happy with my job, my life, my kids, just life in general, things were going so well.
And then I got sick...
Attack of the gallbladder: (insert horror movie music here)
Sick is an understatement....One second I'm fine at work, then next I'm violently ill..throwing up and whatnot mind you... Terrible. I couldn't function. I ended up going to the ER that night because I didn't know what was going on. They did xrays and all kinds of stuff, but in the end sent me home. Following weeks I was in and out of the hospital, almost every other night. The pain I was in, my stomach was on fire all the time, I couldn't stop throwing up. I couldn't eat or drink anything without getting violently ill and I was on so many medications I lost track of what everything was. I had to keep going to the ER from the pain but also from major dehydration. Work became hell, I couldn't function well, I couldn't think, I was slow as hell. I was not being helpful and I was in so much pain all the time, I truly couldn't think, I was making stupid mistakes. After they FINALLY figured out it was my gallbladder, I got time off work, then they decided to keep me drugged out because of the pain, so I couldn't go back to work because of the drugs. I couldn't work well anyways because I was literally running, yes running, to go throw up every 5-15 minutes through an 8 hour work day.
Things are kind of a blur for those two months honestly. I was on so many medications for pain I don't remember much. I was horrible at trying to keep in touch with my boss. I was really planning on returning to work and I was looking forward to it. But I offended my boss by making her feel I didn't show any interest in coming back. So after my surgery she didn't want me to come back. I felt horrible because I wanted nothing more than to go back to work. I had complications from my surgery and was in the er several times after my surgery so I wasn't able to get back to work.
In the end, this just crushed me. I had finally found my niche in a place where I felt I truly belonged. And I blew it. This just started another down-spire into horrible depression and really not really caring about anything anymore.
Yay jobs!
Me losing my job was terrible. I hated it, I still hate it honestly and want my job back. But hindsight, if I hadn't lost my job, Robert wouldn't have found his new job. And this new job is a wonderful job, he's doing amazing at it, and moving up the ladder. This is a career he's just succeeding in. So one of those everything happens for a reason things.
This is a fitness blog right? What's with all the complaining??...What's going on with fitness??
I know, I go off on random tangents, but I figure an explanation is due to explain what's going on with fitness.
I have a point, I swear! Lol.
So basically, with everything going on this last year, my weight yoyo'd a lot, and I mean a lot. When I was working I'd finally gotten under that 200 lb mark. But, because of getting sick and surgery and all I gained some weight back, and went back over that 200 lb point. So that's incredibly depressing for me, but I have not given up.
I'm still working out off and on, but mostly at home at the moment.
When I did start working out again I'm amazing at it. I run 4 miles a day normally, I do weights, I do yoga, I swim, I just rock it out. I love the gym, I love working out, I love listening to loud music and looking crazy while I sing and run.
For me I NEED the gym. I don't like working out at home. It's not the same, and I enjoy having the kids being able to have gym time as well as having my "me time" while I work out.
We found this AMAZING gym called Lifetime Fitness. I love this gym, with a major passion. It has everything I want in a gym. Cardio machines you don't have to wait in line for, and amazing pool that actually has an area just for the kids, an amazing daycare and kid programs, and just all kinds of things. This place is like a country club, without horses, cheese and wine, and snotty people. I was worried it may be too frou frou for us, but everyone is really cool and I feel at home here. Only issue is the price, it's pricey, but you get what you pay for. We're gonna get a membership here, just haven't yet because of a schedule and transportation issue.
So for now...no gym, but we will, but at the moment we don't have a gym. So it sucks, because I want to run and swim and wear the kids out, but it's like fitness limbo.
I love the gym.
Y'all know this. I kind of hate working out at home. Right now I have a couple issues going on making it hard for me to work out right now...
I blew out my left shoulder. I was doing some calisthenics a couple months ago, tweaked something weird, and now I may have to get rotator cuff surgery. I am not pleased at all. At first it was hurting, then my arm started going numb, and then just immense pain, all the time. I got an injection into my shoulder joint, which was horrid and omg that needle was SO big but oh man did it help the pain.
I can barely play world of warcraft right now because of my shoulder, so you KNOW it's serious when I can't play video games haha. Doing calisthenics and yoga with a shoulder that I can't even lift a gallon of milk with; it's kind of impossible right now. I need to be doing physical therapy, which I need to start, but i've been procrastinating.
Another issue I have right now is my stomach. After my surgery I am still having pain, I'm terrified, literally terrified, to eat anything. It's starting to cause serious emotional eating issues. So my weight is all wonked out, I'm either eating or not eating, some days I barely eat anything. I drink a lot of tea and coffee and water. Need to figure out what's going on with that.
I also have this large lump near my breast I need to get removed and biopsied. So that in itself is really freaking me out.
All in all, new breakdown...
My weight is fluctuating between 211 - 215. Can't seem to drop it below that. But it doesn't go higher so that's good.
What do I eat?
When I actually eat, I'm eating good food. We're eating whole foods now. Rarely ever buy processed foods anymore. We are eating a lot of spinach, meats, sweet potatoes, white potatoes, some pasta, vegetables, fruits. I cook everything now, and the kids are getting used to it. We've cut soda pop almost completely out. I'm a huge fan of tea now, especially chai and green tea. We're coffee people now, so that's new. I feel so grown up hahaha.
So, you don't eat out anymore?
Not really. For one it's expensive to eat out. Second, god knows what is going to make me sick, so sometimes I'm scared to eat out. I definitely try to avoid fast food when possible. When we do splurge to eat we go to a sit down place, so it's generally safe for me to eat without fear of getting ill. But it happens.
I have to carry Zofran with me everywhere I go now, an anti-nausea medication, because my stomach acid decides it wants to murder me at random intervals.
So that's it for now.
I'm looking for work off and on but until we get a second car and I get my shoulder fixed, I think I'm out of work for the time being. We're also looking to move into a house because the kids and our new dog we got last xmas really need a yard.
Thanks for listening to me rabble, I'm amazed if you're still reading at this point.. I'll try to update anything new.
**Namaste my friends.**
